Rome: The Last Hurrah

Rome…Webster’s definition of huge

Unfortunately for this blog, Rome is the last stop on the trip. If you’ve been keeping up with the blog up to this point, you’ve probably had enough of the phrases “best we’ve ever,” “most ridiculous,” and “then we pounded some Paprika Pringles.” To be honest, so am I. Rome deserves so much more of an eloquent description than I could ever give but here’s my attempt…

Getting off the train in Rome, I was hating life. How could one possibly hate life while on the last stop of a month long eurotrip? Try being on the third day of strep throat with no medicine and in a city with cold, dry air.

After settling into our hostel and stopping by a nearby pharmacy to pick up lozenges and chloroceptic spray, we set out to explore the ancient city on foot. Totally underestimated the size of the city. Every other stop we’ve had we were able to get everywhere either by foot or by metro. Rome, the ancient city that it is, doesn’t have a very elaborate metro system and only has two lines, neither of which goes anywhere a tourist would like to visit. That being said, we did the best we could to visit all of the free attractions we could on our train shortened first day.

First stop was the massive Trevi Fountain. It might as well have been called the Fountain Where Asains Take Photos of Themselves in Different Poses. By the time we forced our way to the base of the fountain we felt like we were in an old school kung-fu movie where we had to karate chop and roundhouse kick our way back to freedom. After a narrow escape, we headed to the Pantheon. When we arrived, I began to catch a whiff of the common theme in Rome; everything is huge. You could easy tell how the famous columns of the Pantheon we’ve all seen in history books just demanded respect from the people who passed through them into the giant domed inside. After marveling at the intimidating architecture of the Pantheon, we began walking aimlessly back towards the hostel, in hopes of finding a panini spot along the way. Long story short, we walked about three miles from our hostel, then a mile south, then three and a half miles back to our hostel.

After such a long workout, we figured large amounts of carbs were very much deserved. Two bowls of pasta later it was time to explore the Roman nightlife. Luckily for us, we stumbled upon the Roman version of Total Wine and were able to secure a bottle of Smirnoff for 7 Euros (cheapest bottle we’ve bought all trip). After forcing sip after sip of Fanta/Vodka down the strep throat and then getting a quick Italian lesson from an Italian roommate, it was time to head out. When we get to the club, Akab (one of Rome’s most upscale clubs we were told), there is no line. There is just a crowd of people gathered around, trying to get to the front. In front of that, there is a (huge) bouncer selecting attractive females out of the crowd and allowing them entrance to the club.

After a quick 20 euro bribe from Nick, we were in. Not long after we entered the club it was easy to see why there was no line. This was Rome's elite. The club was filled with gorgeous women and men dressed a lot nicer than we were. Overall, it turned out to be a fun night (first and only club we went to that didn't play house music #lovedit). When we got home from the club, we decided it would be a good idea to Skype our lovely girlfriends, but when the internet stopped working 3 minutes into the video chat, things got interesting. Long story short we argued with the staff (who we thought were Asian and unable to speak/understand English) using words we'd rather not repeat and then gave up and went to bed.

Waking up the next morning was rough. Our heads were pounding, my throat was just about raw and to make it worse, the staff at the front desk was the same as the night before #awkward. Deciding that we needed to beg for forgiveness after our the previous night's actions, we figured it would be a good time to go see the Vatican (side story: before going to the Vatican, I went to a pharmacy and explained to them I had strep throat and lozenges/chloroceptic spray weren't working. The pharmacist then asked me "Do you want antibiotics?" "Uhhh, yes!!" Next thing you know I had a box of Amoxcicilan and was good to go #whatissobadaboutsocializedhealthcareagain?) Today though, instead of walking, we took an "open air" bus tour around the city in order to get there. As the bus pulled up, I was definitely surprised by the size of its' entrance. Nick had already been to the vatican before and knew what to expect, but I hadn't even Google Image searched what it looked like and had no idea what to expect. After waiting in almost 45 minutes worth of lines, we were in the church. It was huge. Biggest church in the world and elaborately cloaked in huge ornate statues, sculptures, and paintings on the inside. Coolest part to me was the gigantic altar, surrounded by four pillars taller than the ones we had seen at the Pantheon.

Next up was what I had been waiting for the whole time in the Vatican, the Sistine Chapel: Michaelangelo's Masterpiece. To get there you have to pass through the Vatican Museum, which we breezed through (a guide told us that if you stopped and looked at every piece in the museum and church for one minute, it would take you 13 years….so we were happy with our time) because as we said before, you can only look at so many portraits and sculptures of people from the neck up before they all look the same. If you're not a Michaelangelo supporter before the chapel, you definitely will be afterwards. The celling depicts 9 events from the book of Genesis with the most famous being the Creation of Man which lies at its' center. After this, we both agreed that it is pretty tough to call anyone else "the best artist ever" besides Michaelangelo (the man painted the ceiling standing up, looking upwards for hours on end!). After absorbing enough of the truth we hopped back on the bus and rode out the rest of the tour. By this time we were spent and decided it was time for a quick siesta before we headed out for another night of debauchery.

We had met a promoter earlier who had convinced us into a pub crawl later in the night, but when we arrived at the meeting point, we were supremely disappointed. As we walk up we notice that we are the only people who have showed up for this so called pub crawl. The promoter, noticing our lack of excitement, reassures us with a "Bro tonight's shaping up to be a sick party" and we quickly decide he's full of shit and seek out entertainment elsewhere. About 3.5 minutes of searching later, we decide to sit down for a nice dinner instead. This turned out to be a hell of an idea because it would eventually turn out to be the 'best dinner of the trip' up to that point.

Appetizer consisted of fried artichokes (I'm a huge fan of these, Nick had never had them before. After he was hit with a taste of the truth, he became a believer) while our primi pattis were both pasta dishes. I chose spaghetti with a tomato basil sauce and fresh swordfish (swordfish may be my new favorite fish). Nick went with veal stuffed ravioli in a mushroom cream sauce (I must admit, I don't care for mushrooms or veal normally, but his dish was phenomenal). Now that we were 'normal full' it was time for our second pattis. I had two breaded chicken breasts in a garlic cream sauce with mashed potatoes (imagine an orgasm for your taste buds). As I wrote this I asked Nick what he got that night: "I honestly don't know…breaded veal with parmesan and pecorrino all over it." At this point we were completely stuffed, so it was time for desert: homemade tiramasu, with the description on the menu "lifts you up," #getlifted. Solid meal. Solid decision to skip the "sick pub crawl." When we got back to the hostel, the same night staff was working. Feeling bad, I apologized to the guy for cussing him out in verbiage he probably couldn't understand and we made peace. He loved us the rest of our stay. Weird.

The next morning I woke up early, super excited for the day's big event; the Roman Forum and the Coliseum. After we had passed by it on the first day, I knew it was going to be my favorite stop of the trip, and it was. When we got there we were sold on a 25 euro tour that gave us an english speaking (important) tour guide for the Coliseum and then the Forum (#wortheverypenny). Our tour guide for the Coliseum was deceivingly knowledgable. He gave us incites to what a day at the Coliseum would usually consist of. First of all, the Coliseum isn't so aesthetically pleasing in today's world because of pollution, but in its' heyday it was made of gorgeous white marble (imagine going to a stadium that holds 50-60 thousand people that's made of all white marble). The first people to arrive to the Coliseum were children who came in the mornings to see the 'hunting' events (basically they'd bring in exotic animals from Asia and Africa, throw them in the middle of the stadium with fake hills and trees, and then let hunters pick them off while sitting safely above in the stands). Then later would be the gladiator events Russel Crow made famous years ago (he said Gladiator was the best depiction of real life events at the Coliseum he had seen). The most fascinating part of the stadium to me was the technology involved.

Top 3

- The 50-60k person Coliseum could be evacuated in 8-10 minutes (imagine evacuating Doak Campbell or Raymond James in 8-10 minutes, yea right)

- The entire floor would sometimes be flooded on purpose so that they could simulate battles at sea between waring battleships (#insane).

- They had the first evidence of hydraulic lifts, which they used to bring animals (even elephants!), gladiators, and misc items (trees, hills, scenery, etc) into the stadium from down below and even back and froth across the stadium. #mindblowing

After leaving the coolest place on earth, we headed to the Roman Forum. Good thing we had a tour guide (side note: we had a tour by the guy who does the voice overs for VH1's Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous) for this because there's only about a fifth of the actual structures left so if you don't have anyone to tell you what you're looking at you'll just be stuck wondering why anything is important.

My two favorite parts of the history packed forum

- Old dining hall where the emperor would hold massive dinners, sometimes up to 50 course meals. The kicker? If you couldn't eat all 50 courses, the emperor would verbally harass you in front of your peers, making you go outside and have a slave force a feather down your throat so you could throw up and continue eating. Picture what the people who didn't need to throw up looked like…..yea, probably pretty similar to us.

- Don't remember his name (they all sound the same after a while) but this one emperor had his own stadium in his back yard where he would hold events similar to the Coliseum. Think about all the fancy shit people boast to have in today's world….no one has a personal stadium in their back yard!

After finally saying goodbye to the best monuments of the trips, we needed a siesta.

I had all plans on going out at the end of the night, even if I had to force every mixed drink down my nearly raw strep throat, but when we started googling places to go, we noticed a common theme. Rome gets pretty gay on Saturday nights. All of the places our travel book had told us to try came with a disclaimer, "conforms to a gay-friendly environment Saturdays." Frustrated with finding a place to go and worried with choosing the wrong place, we decided to get some food instead (my throat loved this decision (pause)). We confide in our travel book and it directs us to a place described as "a local staple with dirt cheap prices." They sure weren't lying.

You're probably fed up with reading about how much we loved the food so here are the SparkNotes

Appetizer 1: Bruschetta (best of the trip at the time)

Appetizer 2: Pecorino cheese (best cheese of the trip, even better than Cabrales bleu cheese in Spain, which is hard for me to say)

Primi patti (split): Sausage and mushroom pizza

Joe's Segundo Patti: Spaghetti Carbonara

Nick's Segundo Patti: Gnocci with meat sauce

Desert: Tiramisu for each of us

The last day of Rome and ultimately the last day of our trip we used to do some last minute sight seeing of what we had missed (Vatican and Coliseum each took up most of the day in which we saw them). Spanish Steps, Roman Capital, and a few random churches later, we were spent. Time for one last siesta.

The last dinner of the trip was important to us, dubbed "Sunday Dinner," so we took researching restaurants seriously as well. After finding a few that looked pretty good, I got the feeling "If it ain't broke, don't fix it," meaning that since we got the best dinner of the trip at a restaurant in Rome, why not go back and see what else the restaurant had to offer? Nick was an easy sell so a few showers and a quick metro ride later, we were there. Only problem was….they weren't there….and by "they" I mean no one was there; it was closed. If I told you we were disappointed and you believed it, you probably haven't read the whole blog. Our hopes, dreams, ambitions for Sunday Dinner…crushed.

After a quick pow-wow we decided to take a taxi to a restaurant we had found on TripAdvisor.com. This would turn out to be a "good call" to say the least. For the last time all blog, dinner consisted of:

1 bottle of house wine (throat was finally feeling a little better, #thankssocializedhealthcare)

1 bruschetta appetizer: 4 pieces of bread with 4 different toppings on each, all of which were amazing

Joe's Primi Patti: Spaghetti Carbonara (best spaghetti of the trip for me, even better than the delicious black truffle pasta I had in Florence)

Nick's Primi Patti: Two-colored ravioli stuffed with veal, mozzarella and mushrooms

Segundo Patti: we each decided to go with the Osumbucco (veal shank) and mashed potatoes (not a big veal fan, but this was pretty good, one of Nick's favorite meats on the trip)

Desert: Even though we were both struggling to breathe, we got desert. I went with Tiramisu (my new favorite desert if you can't tell) and Nick had the Pistachio Panna Cotta with Nutella topping.

After dinner we reflected back on the trip and both agreed, we had done it right: we came, we saw, we ate, we drank, we partied, we ate some more, and ultimately, we concurred. This is has definitely been a trip neither of us will forget for the rest of our lives and I would just like to take a moment to thank some of the people who made it happen. First of all we'd like to thank our loving parents and supporting family, who, by allowing us to live and eat rent-free for a year, made it possible for us to save up enough money for the trip. Second our girlfriends, who made us feel wanted all trip when the rest of the world just wanted us and our beards out of their country. Hopefully they still want us when we get back, 15-30lbs heavier than we left. Next we'd like to thank YOU and everyone who read the blog. It hasn't always been fun writing, but hopefully it made you laugh at least once or twice along the way. And last but not least our beards. Without you we would never have known what it feels like to be hated, snickered and scoffed at for no reason at all. We're going to miss you. Hopefully that nice old Italian barber who shaved you off has since swept you into a cozy trash bin where you can make friends with the beards of your Italian kinsmen.